Writing while on Ambien

The recent Tiger Woods infidelity scandal has recently made me realize the strange side effects of taking Ambien. Reportedly, Woods would have "Ambien Sex", where he would take a sleeping pill and have wild sex and not remember anything the next day. I can attest to the validity of this on a certain level - not the sex part, but doing things that you have absolutely no memory of doing while under the influence of this powerful sleep aid. I have recently worked on writing my book and found that I had incorporated some strange riff about the Bernie Madoff scandal into the plot of my children's book about a little fish and his incredible adventures. It is unusable in the context of my story, but kind of fun nevertheless...

My Ambien Writing
He had been working with some hedge fund traders and come up with a number of impossibilities in their earnings calculations and was able to find no, no way, no way to verify that the high rate of returns being guaranteed by Bernie Madoff could be substantiated and real, Professor Pato likes the world to make sense and function in a logical, fractal way and none of Bernie’s statements bore any logic and a lack of logic is Professor Ploto’s nemesis. Therefore, he had invented a spectacular tool known as a daedal doodle to insert into Madoff Investments that would monitor the dysfunctional maths and calculate the cause of the illogical returns being made on behalf of investors. The Daedal Doodle is a cunning or ingeniously formed or working; skillful; artistic; ingenious doodle, which is to draw aimlessly. These two diametrically opposing things would be inserted into the Madoff investments in order to diffuse the conundrum.
“The Daedal Doodle is ready to be installed into the investment house and do its calculations and return the data I need to find if there is a logical reason for all this as it is impossible to legally make the profits Madoff claimed using the investment strategies that he claimed to use. The world must be neat and orderly. And the Oceanic Neptune Observatory had the means to find the red flags and stake them on the earth.
“Ino take the Daedal Doodle to New York City and deliver this to the lipstick building. Be sure it is installed on the 16th floor and we will await our results.” Professor Plotto stated. “You’ll need a small fishbowl for Henry to be planted in the office along with the daedal doodle.”
“Are you ready to report for duty Henry?”
“Yes Professor, I am ready to install the Daedal Doodle.” Henry called out as he saluted him.
Never did Ino make a swifter journey to New York City’s coast – even slipping through the Panama Canal to circumvent circumnavigating all of South America. Then they headed up past Mexcico and past Cuba, zipping up the Atlantic coast in record Sei Whale time. They were whizzing up the East River to
Plant the fish bowl with Henry and the Daedal Doodle right into Madoff Headquarters.
The Bait was set – and a delivery man took the fishbowl up to the 16th floor of the lipstick building, promptly placing the bowl on the desk of one of Madoff’s associates. Henry just had to swim around and around in the bowl and look very fishlike. He was being very successful with this then Bernie Madoff himself picked up the fish bowl and took it in to his inner sanctum and set it above his desk. The Daedal Doodle began to whir and whir and make bleeping noises as it scanned in the documents before it with a fish eye lense. The data was relayed back via satellite connection to Professor Plotto’s observatory for analysis. Professor Plotto immediately realized that this was a form of a Ponzi scheme and there were no calculations that he could run that would explain the rates and the consistency of the rates over such an extended period of time. There was an organization that invested in ocean research and did work to maintain healthy fish populations and aquatic environments. Professor Ploto got a great deal of his equipment grants from this foundation. He knew that they had invested heavily in Madoff Securities and he wanted to save them from almost uncertain bankruptcy. He must stop this and warn the Fish Academy Foundation immediately. Henry had to get a way to Times Square so that he could project the results the Daedal Doodle uncovered on the big screen and hopefully the Fish Academy foundation will be able to get enough warning to remove their funds from Madoff’s securities and continue to do their good work for the oceans.